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Domestic abuse affects millions of Americans each year, and while no two situations are exactly the same, there are some universal tips that will help survivors plan and execute a move to safety. In fact, planning is essential when you're ready to take steps to leave, from having a trusted friend hold onto personal items in case you need to leave quickly to preparing for a move where you'll live independently. Your safety is the main priority, and Danger Aware offers this guide to help you begin the process.
Often, survivors who make the decision to leave do so at the spur of the moment after an inciting incident, but it's important to plan ahead if possible. This will allow you to get a change of clothing, all your important documents , and some money to a friend who can hold it for you, and it will also give you time to set up a safe place to stay for a night or two. If you can stay with friends your abuser doesn't know, this is a great option. You can also stay in a local short-term rental near transportation and a grocery store so that you don't have to spend too much time in public.
Memorize the phone numbers for local shelters and hotlines so you'll have resources if you lack funds or don't have friends or family nearby. During this stage, it might be helpful for you to make plans on a computer at the local library where your digital footprint won't be accessible to anyone else. If possible, The Motley Fool suggests setting up a checking account in your own name. Be sure to sign up with a new email address and opt for paperless communication so that no bank statements will be sent to your home.
Leaving an abusive situation is difficult at any time, but when you have children, it can be a major challenge and often creates anxiety. The National Domestic Violence Hotline points out that one way to make the process easier is to talk about your plans with children who are old enough to understand. You might come up with a code word that will alert them when the time is right to leave, or set up a safe place for them to go after school instead of coming home on that day.
Once you and your loved ones are safe and it's time to think about moving into a place of your own, it's crucial to take stock of your finances to see what you can afford. Look online to see if you're eligible for grants or financial assistance due to your situation. After you get a solid number that includes your annual income and monthly debts, calculate how much money you can spend; this will help you find homes in your area that match. When it comes to financing, you'll need to take a look at the current interest rates and find out how much you'll need for a down payment. This will affect your monthly mortgage payment, so it's essential to have correct numbers from the beginning. You'll also want to track your credit score and look for ways to boost or build it.
When it comes to getting into your new place safely, keep in mind that you may need to retrieve things from your old home. There are some moving companies that will help survivors of domestic violence move for free, but if there isn't one available near you, plan ahead for that expense. Most moving companies charge by the hour and by the mile — and the costs can add up. However, if you have a trusted friend or family member to help, the process will go much more quickly and safely. Look for a company that's located close by if possible.
Leaving an unsafe situation can be unbelievably stressful for everyone involved, so utilize all the resources at your disposal to make the process as smooth as possible. Remember to make safety a priority as you take these steps toward the next phase in your life.
